The Diary of Priscilla Pernilla

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March 3, 2003

Dear Diary,

My name’s Suzy and I like Earl Gray tea.

Okay, my names not really Suzy, it’s Priscilla. Yea, Priscilla Pernilla. With a C. I tell people my name is Suzy and people call me Suzy. I do that cuz I think my real name is silly. But I can tell you Diary. My name is Priscilla Pernilla and I like Earl Gray Tea. I have a little brother named Cameron, but he’s only 5.

P.S. it’s my birthday today! That’s why I got this Diary. You’ve got a peecock on you because there my favorite. I’m 11 and I’m smart but not a good speller.

Love, Suzy

 

March 5, 2003

Dear Diary

I met a boy in the park today who was crying. He wasnt even wearing a coat or an umbrella or anything. I asked him why he was crying and he said it was cuz he dropped his ice cream. I asked him why he was eating ice cream in the rain and he said it was cuz it makes him happy. But he wasnt happy when I met him so I said I guess ice cream doesnt make you happy. I wanted to make him feel better but he got more sat.

 

March 6, 2003

Cameron went in my room and broke Shelby Pony! He broke her right in half! Mom and dad aren’t even going to punish him because they say he did it on accident. Sometimes having a brother is the worst.

 

March 7, 2003

Dear Diary

Someone in my grade found out my real name. Then I got teasd. This is the worst day ever. I cant even talk to you right now. They called me Prissy Priscilla and made fun of me for.. I got to go. Sorry Diary. It will be better tomorrow because its the weekend.

 

March 11, 2003

Dear Diary

I like someone. Yea, like like. Its actually the boy who I met in the park. Hes not in my class, but hes in Mr Fausts class. He is in my grade  and hes really funny and smart. He likes the same things as me and his favorit color is green. We are the same age but I am older by a quarter of a year.

Hes still a boy though so hes still gross. But I like him and I like how his sweater smells. His name is Carlos.

 

March 12, 2003

Dear Diary

Carlos and I played at recess AND lunch today. He smiled back at me three times so I guess things are pretty serious now. I told Sara and she said she is gunna ask his best frend if he likes me too. I cant wait.

 

March 13, 2003

I am drinking earl gray tea right now. It is so yummy. I asked my mom why they call it earl gray. She said that an earl is some kind of english man. I asked what an english man is and she said its a man from englad. I asked why they added a gray at the end but then she got mad at me so I stopped. She said I think to much and I wanted to say maybe she just doesnt think enuff but I didnt cuz I dont want to get in truble.

 

March 14, 2003

Its the weekend! Yess!! Today was so good. At the end of the day Sara told me that she told Jeremy to ask Carlos if he likes me and to write it down and give me the paper on Monday. Sara is coming over to spend the night tomorrow so I have to clean my room. Ugggg. But its okay because its the weekend and this was a good day. Yea.

Love, P.P.

 

March 15, 2003 WEEKEND EDITION

Dear Diary,

Sara and I are both writing in you tonight!

Hello!

Hello!

How are you today?

I’m fine thanks! And you?

I am well good sir!

Thank you maam!

We are going to watch a movie now so we will see you next sleeeep ovverrrrr! WOOOO!

Love Suzy and

Lover more Sara

Love Most Suzy

Love Mostest Sara

Love Mostestest Suzy

Love Mostestestestestest Sara

Love Mostestestestestestestestesest Suzy (Sara left this morning, I win)

 

March 18, 2003

Dear Diary,

I know you wanted to here about about Carlos on Monday, but I fear the worse. 🙁 Carlos didnt give me a note and didnt even play with me on monday. What does this mean? *Sigh*

I was sad at dinner and I told my parents what happened cuz they asked why I was sad til I told them. My dad said its okay because mexicans smell like beans. He lafft but mom didnt laff.

I got mad because he lafft and said Carlos doesnt smell like beans and hes not mexican! I dont even know why I was mad but I didnt like it. If Carlos is a mexican then I wish Im a mexican to.

 

March 19, 2003

Dear Diary,

I saw Carlos and Jennifer holding hands. Its okay because Im totally over Carlos and everyone knows Jennifer is a bitch. I learned that word from Toby. It means female dog, but really means a mean person. I think that dad is a bitch sometimes to.

I dont need boys in my life right now I just want to focus on my grades. Whats the big deal about boys anyways? I still think there gross. No exceptions.

Love, P.P.

 

March 20, 2003

Dear Diary,

I asked mom after school if we arnt mexican, what are we? She said swedish or something. She was crying but wouldnt tell me why. Sometimes when you ask people questions they just give you more questions with their answer.

Notice: Their, not there. That’s called a homophone. I learned about it today. There, they’re and their all sound the same but are different. I feel like we learned it in 2nd grade, but we really learned it now.

 

March 21, 2003

Dear Diary,

Its SPRRRRIIIIINNGG BREEEAAAAAKK. WOOOOOOOO! I dont no why easter break is so far away from easter this year. Its going to be so much fun! Sara and I are going to do so many things. We’re going to eat chocolote most because there is a festival in the park for kids only where we find eggs and eat chocolate.

Love, P.P.

 

July 22, 2003

Dear Diary

I’m sorry I forgot about you since Spring Break. I have been busy packing boxes. I didn’t want to, but we are moving far away from my dad to California. Im really really really really sad Sara is not coming but mom says I will get to see her when we visit. I dont think she is telling the truth.

I like Eugene. Im gonna miss it here. I even asked my mom how to spell it thats how much I like it here. Sara and I cried for what felt like forever when I told her I had to move. My friends at school are all sad too. Even Carlos came to say goodbye to me. We ended up being friends too.

Goodbye Eugene, I will always love you.

P.S. I graduated from 5th grade! When I start school in California I am going to be a middle schooler. I hope I can make friends.

Love, Suzy

 

Sept 11, 2005

Dear Diary,

Obviously I haven’t been keeping up with my entries. I feel so embarrassed reading what I sounded like as a little kid. Now I’m a teenager, not a kid. My shithead stepdad made me get braces. I guess that’s not fair to call him a shithead since he is so nice to my mom. He is dumb as a fucking post though. But hey, we have to live, right?

Kevin is my younger step brother. He’s a shithead too, a little shithead. But I feel sorry for him so I’m mostly nice to him. He and Cameron are friends. That’s nice I guess.

So there is something I wanted to talk about.

Today is the Fourth Anniversary of 9/11. I know it’s crazy! We talked about what a huge deal it was in school, but it’s pretty abstract to me. (Abstract means that it exists mostly in our minds).

Speaking of crazy, I was reading some people are starting to think that it was a conspiracy. They say the jet fuel wasn’t hot enough to cause the buildings to collapse. I don’t believe that, but it’s scary to think that the government might have the power to do that.

Life is good. I am in Eighth Grade. After this year, I’ll basically be an adult in high school. I’m starting to grow boobs and I had my first period. I don’t know if that’s gross to write in my diary or not. I mean it happens to all of us, so why is it such a big deal?

Oh yea, and boys. Where do I even start? There is this one boy, Steven who is super into me, but I don’t even know. He’s cute and all, but I don’t know if I like him or not.

Then there is Tyler. He’s an absoulte GOD. My best friend Selenia (she’s black, take that dad) says he’s out of my league, but that’s just how she is. She’s hilarious. I love her to death. We’re going to be best friends forever. Muah,

Love P

 

March 3, 2006

Dear Diary,

I’m 14. Yay.

-P

 

March 3, 2008

Dear Diary,

I guess it’s supposed to be a sweet sixteen, but there is nothing sweet about it. I’m just so fat and gross, no one is ever going to love me. I can’t believe that Kyle dumped me right before my birthday. It’s my sixteenth birthday, it’s supposed to be special.

I don’t even know what I’m writing. What am I even saying?

Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you! Fuck you Kyle! I hope you die!

 

March 4, 2008

Dear Diary,

I feel like I should apologize for my outburst last night. You didn’t deserve that. Selly, Tiffy, my family and I had a really nice dinner after I stopped crying. I was really happy they were all there for me. I guess it was a good thing since I probably would have thrown this diary out if I hadn’t torn up my closet in my fit last night.

Wow! I just looked through the pages and I was right back then! Selly and I are still BFFs. We added a new addition to the Angels since we started high school. Tiffany. We’ve been friends together since middle of Freshman year. Now we’re Sophomores about to be Juniors. Freshman look so young now.

I’m just so mature now I can’t help but realize how immature people like Kyle are. I think he dumped me because he couldn’t handle my maturity.

Funny coincidence: Selly started dating Tyler from middle school. I had such a big crush on him back then. I’m totally fine with it now and not at all jeaulous. He got less hot in high school.

I guess I’m single again. Watch out boys, Prissy is back on the market! High school is okay I guess, once you get passed all the immature dumbasses.

Love,

P

 

June 1, 2010

Dear Diary

I am going to be graduating from High School today. I thought it would be interesting to capture how I feel. I’m a little nervous. I’m going off to college in the Fall, so this is my last hurrah as a High Schooler.

I’m technically an adult now but what does that mean? I can vote. I can buy porn magazines (do they even sell those anymore?) and cigarettes. I don’t like either of those things and I don’t really see the point in voting. The whole thing is pretty much rigged.

I’ve got so much ahead of me now and I am just counting my blessings that I got into UCLA! The biggest name in history out of Buttfuck Nowhere High School in Roseville, CA is Molly Ringwald. You know with the prolific acting career? Oh wait, that was back in the 80s. No disrespect to Molly, it just didn’t get much better after Sixteen Candles. (Who doesn’t love Sixteen Candles). Anyways if I sound a bit envious, it’s because I want to be the biggest name out of Roseville. I’m planning on studying film in college.

P.S. I forgot to mention Tiffany got into Berkeley and Sel got into Stanford. THE Stanford. My friends are so smart! I’m so proud of the Angels. We had a huge acceptance party. I’m jealous they’re going to be near each other, but I can’t wait to be in a big city all on my own.

 

March 3, 2014

This diary was in my things at Mom’s house. She brought my leftover stuff in a few boxes when she moved. Boy, I thought Roseville was bad, but divide Roseville by ten and you get Placerville. I guess she and Todd really like the “-villes” and wanted to downsize now that the house is empty.

I’m filled with a sense of ennui and I’m about to graduate from college. College has not been as exciting as I thought it would be. UCLA is extremely overrated, but I guess it’s been an overall good experience. It changed me in some ways that I like and other ways I don’t. I just feel like I paid with a piece of my soul, which I didn’t know was part of the price of admission.

There are so many things no one tells you about when you get into a school, just that it’s going to be so good when you do get in, and that you’re going to love it. I didn’t end up studying film. It took me about a week to get sick of all the stuck up rich kids who “had a screenplay” they just knew was going to go big. I changed my major about a hundred times, and didn’t think until the very end that I would need to use my degree to get a job. I guess I’m not as smart as I thought I was.

I’m going to graduate with a degree in Psychology and a minor in Film. Like that’s a whole lot more useful than a BA in Film. I have no clue what I’m going to do. They say that most people don’t end up using their major in there careers. Why do we do majors then?

I’ve been in several relationships, but none too serious and I’m graduating as a strong independent woman entering her prime. I thought I would have a lot more decided direction by now, but I’m apprehensively looking forward to what the world has to throw at me.

Love

Priscilla

P.S. Mad props to my 11 year old self for taste on this diary. Bedazzled Peacocks are in. 😛

 

March 3, 2069

Dear Diary,

I found this sweet little journal today going through Killian’s things. Part of me hopes he didn’t read it, part of me hopes he did.

I don’t know how it ended up with his old text books, but I figured I would write one more entry just for fun. It’s strange to reflect on everything through the foggy lens of the past. The rose tint becomes warmer, the suffering we experienced stings so much less than when we first felt it.

I’m a 66 year old woman now. I’ve have a beautiful daughter named Aurnia who is finishing her medical residency in New York. She’s engaged to another doctor. I can’t imagine what their house is going to be like. When she comes home to visit, I don’t tell her that she eats spaghetti just like she did when she was seven years old. She’ll always be my little girl.

Killian is my son. He’s four years younger than Aurnia. He won’t listen to a goddam thing, just like me. He said “school is not a place for smart people, mom” and didn’t go back after he finished his second year of college. There was nothing I could do to change his mind.

It’s working out for him. He’s started writing plays when he was in school and now he is just amazing. I don’t always understand what they’re about, but he says ”they are all about what it was like to grow up in the Midwest of California.” He’s paying his own way and he’s happy as a clam, but I still worry about my baby boy.

My husband wanted to give them Irish names, even though neither of us are Irish. I’m so glad we did, they’re such pretty names. I poured my all into these two. I gave it my best, and I’m proud as a mother could be. Now that I’m stepping into the final third of my life, I feel so confident that my dreams are still in reach. The burden of the past is lifted, and I am free as a bluebird in the sky. I am Priscilla Pernilla, and Earl Gray is still my favorite type of tea.

Love, P.P.

 

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